Have you ever scrolled through your Instagram or Facebook ‘newsfeed’ only to feel deflated afterwards? Or uploaded a photo on Instagram only to feel self-conscious when you don’t receive as many ‘likes’ as you expected? Or perhaps you have opened your Snapchat ‘stories’ only to feel lonely and unpopular afterwards?

If you have answered ‘yes’ to any of the above questions, you are not alone! More often than not, social media outlets can leave us feeling insecure, lonely, body-conscious, anxious and above all, disconnected. How can this be when the sole purpose of social media is to connect? Human beings are by nature social beings; we innately seek out connections with others to feel a sense of social belonging. We fear exclusion and isolation and therefore do everything we can to ensure that we are ‘in-the-know’ and that we are well liked. Similar to physical exercise, when we receive a ‘like’ or a ‘follower request’ on Instagram or Facebook, a neurochemical called ‘Dopamine’ (aka. the “feel good” chemical) is released, reinforcing and contributing to a sense of social belonging and being “liked”.

The issue with attributing our self-worth to social media ‘status’ (i.e., ‘likes and ’followers’) is that not every person we encounter online will like what we portray (for reasons that may never be known to us).

There is a multitude of current research indicating that people of all ages tend to feel isolated following a negative encounter online (i.e., a decline in Instagram ‘followers’ or a lack of Facebook ‘likes’). As a result, people often experience a heightened physiological response (i.e., increase in heart rate) and start engaging in negative self-talk: What’s wrong with me? Perhaps I should have used a different ‘filter’? Written a funnier ‘caption’? Uploaded it later in the day? Why aren’t my friends ‘liking’ it? Maybe they are mad at me? Or maybe I just don’t look as good as I thought? (Whilst quickly messaging your bestie to ‘like’ your photo!)

The impact of social media (both positive and negative) is evident through rising cyber-bullying statistics as well as social-media based #TimesUp and #MeToo campaigns, led by Hollywood actresses utilising social media’s reach to stand up against sexual harassment, pay disparity and discrimination in the workplace. As such, it is imperative that we understand the impact that social media has on our lives and are aware of what positively and negatively influences our self-esteem.

Self-Esteem Suckers

• Comparing ourselves to others (appearance, relationships, jobs, lives)
• Editing our uploads to enhance our features and overall appearance
• Spending prolonged periods of time taking ‘selfies’ or selecting ‘filters’
• Monitoring Instagram or Facebook ‘likes’, ‘followers’ or specific accounts
• Linking our self-worth to the amount of ‘followers’ we have or ‘likes’ we receive
• Experiencing a high level of FOMO (fear of missing out) after scrolling our ‘newsfeed’
• Spending more time scrolling through other people’s social media accounts than pursuing our own interests and hobbies

Self-Esteem Boosters

• Spending more face-to-face time with family and friends
• Focusing on the quality interactions we have with others rather than the quantity of friends or ‘followers’ we have
• Being present in the moment (practicing mindfulness)
• Focusing on qualities that we admire about ourselves
• Developing our ‘actual self’ rather than projecting a false sense of self
• Ensuring that we are ‘following’ Instagram or Facebook accounts that positively influence our self-esteem rather than hinder it
• Keeping social media in perspective (people typically upload photos of “fun nights out” rather than “lonely nights in” – what we see is not always the full picture!)
• Setting healthy boundaries around social media (taking breaks from social media accounts, being mindful of how long you are spending on social media and putting your phone away when spending face-to-face time with family and friends)

In summary, social media outlets are the “new age” way to feel socially connected (and they’re definitely not going anywhere!). It is therefore imperative that we are continuously mindful of how social media is influencing our confidence and self-esteem, actively setting healthy boundaries and ultimately using social media for it’s original intended purpose, to connect with others.